Eggy’s Blog

I quit my job at Coles. I’m a free man! horay. YES *Jumps in the air* *Does a backflip* Ok so I didn’t do the backflip because I can’t, and if I did I’d probably die….but you get the point. I went into work like usual, was working for an hour and realised I hated being there so much, and there wasn’t much point for me being here anymore. So I went up to the desk and said I’m quitting and left at the end of the shift

Sorry but no more work stories now We’ll all miss them.

Now I’ll be focusing on my games more for income and rummaging through peoples garbage. Both have there equal shares of satisfaction.

Oh and I also moved outta home with a friend and his gf. Pretty cool so far.

So lately I’ve been more of a….well….not nice worker to my customers when they annoy me. I used to roll over, smile and say sorry. Now I’m getting in more trouble because I’m standing up to them, I might even get fired at this rate :O we’ll see I guess.

I’m packing the lady’s shopping, and I drop the next piece of shopping in (Tomatoes) about half the length of your hand. Not very much of a drop, very very tiny.

Lady : DO BE MORE CAREFUL PUTTING MY SHOPPING IN, STOP THROWING MY THINGS INTO THE BAG.
Me : Ok.

I grab the next thing and put it into the bag VERY slowly, you can tell I’m being sarcastic about it.

Lady : Do you want me to call your superviser?
Me : Honestly, not really.

I finish her shopping, she goes straight to manager, makes a complaint, i get another warning, and life goes on.

This conversation went between my 2 customers -

Lady 1 : Could you go get a whole chicken
Lady 2 : But you said that you were sick of eating chicken….
Lady 1 : Yes but look there on special, so now I want to eat one
Lady 2 : Oh ok

Prices affect how hungry you are for a certain food? Wow, guess I learn something every day huh.

Because, I am so ever kind and gracious. I am going too write a list of things NOT to do when coming through checkout. These situations happen every day, and I want to scream. Maybe you’ll learn something.

(1) If I’m just standing there with no customer, when you come over with your shopping don’t say “Hey you look like you need something to do” IT’S NOT AMUSING, NEITHER IS YOUR GAY LAUGH

(2) Don’t give me your green bags to pack in after I’ve already done half your fucking shopping.

(3) If your going to criticize someone, Say it properly. Don’t say “Hehe, Bradley how long have you been packing for” with a sweet smile on your face. That makes it so I cannot make a comment back to you, but lets you abuse me. Go back to your fucking feminist help group where every time you say something bad about each other you throw flowers into the air.

(4) When I ask how much money you would like out, don’t reply with yes

(5) You are NOT kind and considerate to the environment for using green bags, if your buying lots of plastic products.

(6) I DON’T CARE why your buying something, I don’t care about you.

(7) Don’t repack every single bag I put up on the counter while making TSK’ing noises. Just tell me you want to pack yourself or shut the fuck up.

( Don’t point out every single marked down product just as I scan it.

(9) Don’t act like your better then me.

(10) Don’t be an old person or mother. You’re just a pain in the ass.

(11) Don’t say I’m not being careful with your eggs then throwing them into your trolly

(12) Don’t whine about being in the supermarket for a whole 30mins, when I’m here for 7 hours!

(13) Smiling doesn’t give you an excuse to be an asshole

(14) Don’t put your finger up and tell me to wait because your talking on your mobile phone

(15) Don’t put things on the end of the table where I have to lean over to get them.

(16) Don’t use “have fun” and work in the same sentence

(17) Don’t leave my checkout all nice and happy then go make a complaint to the manager about me. Say it too my face, cowards.

(1 Don’t complain to me how you can’t believe the price of apples has gone up 1c, and they say “Hey?” No, I don’t agree with you. Though your welcome to my blank stare.

(19) Don’t ask if I’m worse at checkout cause I’m a boy not a girl.

(20) Don’t be yourself. Be a nice customer for once.

Today a lady handed me 1c and 2c coins to pay for her shopping….

Lady : Here you go
Me : Errr you can’t pay with these…
Lady : Oh, I can’t?
Me : ………………………………………..
Lady : ……………………
Me: ……………..No
Lady : Oh ok.

She then hands me a $50 note

Sigh.

A lady comes through with some shopping and a cake, I dunno if it was from me packing or the cake was already like this, but she notices a tiny fracture has come off…

She wants a new cake, She saids “It looks different”

IT LOOKS DIFFERENT?!LOOKS DIFFERENT?!!! A tiny bit, like the size of your little pinky nail is off and she wants a new one…..right….just…yeahhhh…

So I say…

“It’s only a tiny little bit off, it should be ok”

She then gives me a glare that would look something like what hitler would look at you like just before he killed you.

So after a little awkward silence I call up and get her a new cake.

Just…..Sigh.

This guy comes through and buys one small coke. Pays for it. Walks one metre out the checkout and drops it, it fizzes up. He turns around walks back to me and saids -

Man : My coke got Fizzed up, can I have another one.
Me : Umm………
Man : …..
Me : Swap it for one off the shelf just there then..
Man : …….ok

I could have said no, but I couldn’t be bothered…

Please people. Try not to drop your coke straight after you buy it……

I was standing in line at work today waiting to pay for some things, and this old guy walks into my back, and keeps walking forward….his head is pushed against my back and hes still trying to walk forward……I turn around and look at him like….what the hell? I look at my friend who also has a what the hell expression, so I take a step forward and then he keeps walking and hits my back again. I turn around and look at him and say

Me : uhh what the?
Old Guy : Are you standing or line or what, move out the way?
Me : uhhh yes i am…
Old Guy : …..

He then moves to the other checkout….He wasn’t blind or anything…

WHAT THE HELL???

This happened to the guy next to me today…

He’s weighing the onions on the scales, more weight equals higher price. So he puts the onions on and has his fingers resting on the edge of the scales, then quickly she leans over -

*SLAPS HIS HAND* (Thats right, literally slapped it hard)

Lady : GET YOUR HAND OFF THE SCALES BOY, YOUR TRYING TO RAISE MY PRICE

Checkout Guy : …… *stunned face*

Now to raise the price with your fingers is very hard, you would have to purposly be trying because the scale needs to stay on the same weight for a few seconds and its very hard to keep your hand perfectly still. I felt like slapping her…

So still with her shopping, he drops a bag about knee height….

Lady : OH. MY. GOD, YOU BROKE MY BISCUITS!!
Checkout Guy : I’m sure there ok–
Lady : THEY MOST CERTANLY ARE NOT, I WANT A REPLACEMENT
Checkout Guy : ..uhh ok

At the worst the biscuits would have had some chips off them on the corners….

DEAR GOD THIS BISCUIT HAS A LITTLE CRUMB MISSING OFF THE SIDE THERE IS NO WAY I COULD EVER EAT THIS THAT WOULD BE INSANE AND CRAZY THIS STUPID FUCKING BISCUIT NOW I CANT ENJOY MY BISCUIT IM GOING TO YELL AND BLAME EVERYONE AND RING AND TELL THE PRESIDENT BECAUSE OH. MY .GOD ITTTSSS FUCCKINNNGGGGG MISSSSSING AAAA CRUMBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry bout that.

They seemed like a normal couple, The woman was overweight and a bit of a butch. I put there shopping through, scanned there items and the guy was closest to me.

Me : Cash or Card thanks? (looking at the guy)
Woman : EXCUSE ME?! WHY DID YOU LOOK AT HIM LIKE EXPECTING HIM TO PAY
Me : I…well…he’s right the—
Woman : So typical!! always expecting the man to pay!! woman can to you know!
Me : Oh…uhhh…yeah…Sorry, so, Cash or Card then?

She hands me a card and I swipe it and guess what,

IT WAS HIS FUCKING CREDIT CARD, NOT HERS!!!!!!

I look at it, then look at her. She just glares at me…..wow….just wow.

As they leave, the guy stays back a bit and when the woman is out of earshot he saids -

Man : Sorry about that, my wifes a bitch.
Me : HAHAHAHHAHAHHA

I hope that fat bitch chokes on some cheetoes or something.

P.S : Friends told me later I should have handed the card to her and read out his name. I’m pissed now I didn’t think of that, oh well if by a crazy chance it happens again I will.